Domestic violence can be perpetrated by males or females Abusive partners can be
heterosexual or homosexual. The impact on the victim,
relationship dynamics, and effect of domestic
violence
on children are strikingly similar regardless of
the sex or
gender roles of the offender or victim.
The vast majority of
domestic violence reports involve male offenders and female victims. Popular theories
regarding patriarchy (man is the
head of the household/family) and male entitlement
are widely accepted and proven out through research. Mental illness and abuse of
alcohol, prescription medications, or illegal substances will often have a bearing
on the severity or predictability of abuse
and efforts to insure the victim’s safety.
The questions in the sidebar to the right may be difficult to answer honestly. Some
men deny any awareness of the impact their size, angry voice, or facial expressions
have on their loved ones. Many abusers say they do not believe their partner or
children are actually afraid of them. For example, even while stating specific threats,
some men defend themselves saying their intention was not to make the victim afraid
but simply to “make her be quiet”, “make her listen”, “just to get some peace”,
etc. Abusers use fear because it works. Abusers are very effective at manipulating
their partners feelings and behavior.
Often, those who abuse others are highly thought
of in the community. They do not publicly behave aggressively or with hostility
and disdain. Nobody would ever guess!
If you are worried about the way you feel
or behave toward your partner, there is help. If you are concerned about what your
children are learning in your home, there is help. You can understand how childhood
and adolescent experiences may have contributed to your beliefs and values or to
patterns of behavior that hurt or frighten your loved ones. You can learn how your
behavior impacts your family as well as alternative ways to think and behave.